Facebook. It is a wonderful tool to connect with others. Facebook, and all other social media for that matter, allows us to stay involved in many people’s lives, and no matter what circumstances we are in or where we live in the world. But is it really as wonderful as it seems?
It can be. But it also can have a dark side.
I remember in high school when I first joined Facebook, I realized that the more friends I had on Facebook, the more popular or cool I was. But if you’re Facebook friends, are you really all that close? After I graduated, I went through my friend list and realized that almost a third of my friends were people that were in middle school or who I had only seen in the halls of my school. I also realized that a lot of the friends I was connecting with on Facebook were old friends that I hadn’t heard from in a long time. That seemed pretty cool to me, that without even trying, I was updated on their lives and what they were up to. Isn’t that a great perk? However, it can cause a lot of unpredicted issues when it comes to relationships.
There are some issues that are more known than others. Some issues can include making individuals feel more depressed and lonely because they see their “friends” out living their lives and posting the highlights of their lives on their feeds. Facebook can also be a great way to invite people to seek attention, cyber bully, and spread false information. But what about how Facebook can affect marriages? Shouldn’t Facebook be a perfect place to post about your perfect relationship and help everyone to see how wonderful a marriage can be?
Before you worry that I have been brainwashed and I cannot see the good in social media, let me add a disclaimer. Social media can be a very powerful tool, if used for the right reasons and with the correct boundaries. But often, we do not see this as important and therefore overlook making boundaries with our spouse to everyone else.
Because of the vast amounts of Facebook friends, you can stay connected with many “friends” of the opposite gender. This can cause many issues in a marriage due to comparison and contention. Let me put it this way: If your spouse was looking at the profile of someone of the opposite gender, would that be a big deal to you? Maybe not. But what if your spouse was going onto their page and looking at their pictures a couple of times a week? Now is it a big deal? Too often, Facebook is the platform for individuals to connect with “old flames.” It doesn’t seem harmful to be friends with and keep updated in all of your ex-boyfriend/ex-girlfriend’s lives right? And sometimes it isn’t. But too often, it does create issues that a married couple never dreamed of happening.
Which brings me to a concept that I invite you to ponder with me for a moment; that concept is emotional infidelity. Emotional infidelity is when an individual does not physically engage in unfaithful acts, but emotionally are breaking the trust of their spouse. For example: if someone is having an emotionally detached affair, they turn to lust and fantasies that take them away from their spouse, even if they are not engaging in anything or even have a specific person in mind. If someone is having an emotionally attached affair, they usually invest their emotions into someone other than their spouse. The second is usually what happens when those “old flames” reconnect on Facebook.
So how can you know if you are engaged in an emotionally attached affair? The best way to know is by asking yourself the questions, “Am I going to my spouse or someone else for my emotional needs and for comfort?” “Am I seeking opportunities to communicate with someone of the opposite gender more than is required or necessary?” “Am I tempted to hide any of my conversations with them?” “How would I feel if the roles were reversed and my spouse was doing this?”
The path of infidelity is usually a long and slow process, and many times, we don’t even realize what is happening. In our fast paced world of technology, fast food, quick gratification, transportation, etc., it is hard to notice and to put an end to the slow moving tactics of the adversary and fight them with faith, fidelity, commitment, and love.
So can Facebook be our friend? If used wisely, yes. But can it be our enemy? More than we’d like to admit.
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