In the motion picture, Fiddler on the Roof, there is a constant fight for keeping the status quo, simply because it is how things have always been, and a fight for going against culture to bring about better ways of life. The movie starts with a quote from the main character, Tevye. He asks “How do we keep our balance? I will tell you in one word—TRADITION!” The scene then transitions to a song that reverberates in my head:
[TEVYE]
Tradition, tradition! Tradition!
Tradition, tradition! Tradition!
[TEVYE & PAPAS]
Who, day and night, must scramble for a living,
Feed a wife and children, say his daily prayers?
And who has the right, as master of the house,
To have the final word at home?
The Papa, the Papa! Tradition.
The Papa, the Papa! Tradition.
[GOLDE & MAMAS]
Who must know the way to make a proper home,
A quiet home, a kosher home?
Who must raise the family and run the home,
So Papa's free to read the holy book?
The Mama, the Mama! Tradition!
The Mama, the Mama! Tradition!
[SONS]
At three, I started Hebrew school. At ten, I learned a trade.
I hear they've picked a bride for me. I hope she's pretty.
The son, the son! Tradition!
The son, the son! Tradition!
[DAUGHTERS]
And who does Mama teach to mend and tend and fix,
Preparing me to marry whoever Papa picks?
The daughter, the daughter! Tradition!
The daughter, the daughter! Tradition!
So, why do I take time to write out lyrics to a song depicting a Jewish culture back in 1905? Well, because it points out the conflict that we have every day within our own cultures and societies, but most importantly, in our families.
What is a tradition? Traditions are inherited patterns of belief or behavior. Each of us have traditions, whether culturally, religiously, or relationally. I know that one of my favorite holiday traditions is being able to read the Christmas story by candlelight on Christmas morning. I also have other daily traditions that I have adopted from my parents, religion, and culture, such as praying in the morning, as well as more mundane tasks like brushing my teeth when I get ready for the day and when I go to bed. So what traditions are the best kind of traditions for families and individuals, and which traditions should be disregarded?
Although every family situation is different, there are a few traditions that prove to be very beneficial within a family unit. For example, it is proven that those families who have a sit-down family dinner every night have less issues with children getting into trouble than those who don’t. It is also proven that those families who work and serve together frequently produce kinder and more hardworking children who are willing to progress through life and continue to learn rather than becoming entitled to others around them.
Although there is a need for balance as Tevye poignantly points out, if a family does not accept that there is a cost of getting ahead, then there will be no change in where the family unit currently is. In a study done by the University of North Carolina, many Hispanic immigrants had to completely abandon tradition to come to the United States to seek for a better life. But is this better life directly for the parents who make this decision to immigrate? Quite the contrary. Many Hispanic parents will come to the United States for their children and posterity to have a better chance of getting ahead in life. The parents rarely have a better life, and oftentimes have a much worse life than they had in their native countries. In order to make the journey, fathers many times will have to leave their families for an average of 3 years before saving enough to have the family join them. The mother is left as a sole provider on a smaller income, and the father also has a shortage of income due to being in a new country with lesser privileges and greater prejudice. Once they enter the United States, their living conditions are limited. Now please understand—I am not trying to take sides on immigration laws or issues, but rather am just making known the hardship that those who do decide to immigrate face. But none of the parents who went through this experience regret it, because they see the hardship as worth it for their children.
Traditions can help a family or an individual feel secure, but it can be a detriment if that tradition leaves that family or individual feeling trapped where they are at. The apathy that can follow is discouragement and hopelessness. What traditions have helped your family progress? What traditions need to be disregarded to allow for change and moving forward?
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