Think back on your family when you were growing up. Were there times that you and your siblings wanted to pull each other’s hair out and fight until one was a boasted conqueror and the other had to leave the room to put ice on their ego? Were there times when mom or dad came home stressed from work and all they wanted to do was open a bag of potato chips and watch TV all night? Were there times when hard struggles came, and your family bonded in a way they had never had to before in order to keep going? When I was growing up, my little brother and I fought like we were the worst enemies. Our older siblings and parents would get upset with us for fighting all the time, but that never seemed to stop us. We loved to fight, and we fought hard. Now, rest assured, my little brother is now one of my best friends. It took a lot of years and hardships that we faced together, but we eventually got there. Isn’t it interesting though that hardships in a family can either pull us together or tear us apart? Why is this? How does this phenomenon happen?
To start out with, I suppose we first need to find the operational definition of a theory. A theory builds upon research and trends and is an attempt to explain a phenomenon. A theory drives treatment and creates a hypothesis. A theory is something that is observed. But what do theories have to do with the family systems? Well… everything actually. In a family situation, there are four different kinds of theories presented to describe how relationships work. I will describe all four briefly to try and create a vision of what happens within the family unit.
1. The Exchange Theory. This theory describes the “you owe me one” attitude. In an exchange theory, you try to gain profit off of your interactions with others. You try to find more reward than cost in your relationships. Often with someone who has an exchange theory attitude, relationships that take more out of them than they give will end those relationships.
2. The Symbolic Interaction Theory. This has to do with specific interactions that can change a person’s actions. To explain this, I will bring forth a couple of different scenarios. For you ladies out there, think about going to a store after you’ve had a rough day. You see this very attractive man entering just before you, and he holds the door open for you. What would you think? Now imagine the same scenario, but instead, he is someone you do not find attractive, and in fact, a bit forward and intrusive. What changes in your head? It’s the same scenario, but different outcomes in your reaction. One is a gentleman and one is a creep. Why is this? It’s because of symbolic Interaction. Men, we can give a similar situation of a lady who asks you to come with her to an event. To you, one type of girl may make you think that she is competent, independent, stable, and in fact quite attractive, while another you might find as too forward, too clingy, and too needy.
3. The Conflict Theory. This is when a group has different needs or wants. Have you ever lived with roommates who refuse to do their dishes, but you can’t stand dirty dishes piled on the counters, table, and sink? Or maybe you were the roommate who couldn’t stand that naggy roommate who always told you to get your dishes done. In either case, there is a conflict of what each roommate wants. This happens in families all the time and can create issues if the family does not learn how to communicate.
4. Family Systems theory. This is probably the most studied theory out of all four. This theory describes a group or family analyzed as a whole. This theory explains how a family is dependent on each other, and how each family is a specific system and how rules or regulations apply to that specific system. For example, in my family growing up, my dad and brother spent more time on outside chores while the girls in my family mainly did inside chores. My mom made dinner every night so that my dad had something to eat between work and other church meetings, and they depend on each other that way. Each family has different needs that are met in this system that cannot be met without each other. This is how families can balance the life attacks that occur. A family is meant to lean on each other.
So why did I even bring up these different theories? The great thing is that a family must learn how to work together, but that is impossible without the knowledge of why things are happening. So next time your mom burns dinner and your dog runs away, you will be able to come together and fight the situation together rather than pulling apart. There is more than meets the eye within each individual family. Figure out how your system works, and let it strengthen your family bonds, no matter what stage you are at in life.
Comentarios